17 Jun | The endless Tonlé

Phnom Penh Sports Club

I love this picture of Sarah – all happy and merry after a good swim. :) This is the place that we often go, or at least try to go often!

Growing up I have never been a fan of running; but I love swimming. I know it’s purely a personal preference thing – but I would rather be trapped in a 25m pool than run cross-country. Somehow, repeating the same motion in water doesn’t bother me as much as it would on land. I don’t know. There is something about water, and being able to move under water that fascinates me.

Angkor Wat

2 weeks ago, Sarah and I went to Siem Reap for a little weekend break. Siem Reap is the most touristy province in Cambodia, where the famous Angkor Wat is. Everyone has been saying that we must visit there while we’re in this country; and so we did, in our second last month in Cambodia!

We didn’t actually have an itinerary for our trip, but our Heavenly Father brought us many amazing surprises…

We went to a pier, got on a boat, and was told that we were sailing to some floating village, where more than 3000 people live above water. There are floating houses, floating schools, floating basketball courts, floating markets, floating everything. I was finally seeing some scenes that I had only ever seen on Cambodian postcards…

It was all very interesting already… but suddenly, we arrived at this vast expanse of water… Before we knew it, we had got to the third largest lake in the world – the Tonlé Sap!

Tonlé Sap

How I could have lived in a country for 4 months without realizing that such great lake existed – I knew not! But all I knew was, I was in awe and amazement, speechless and breathless – as I gazed at the horizon, taking all the beauty in. My mind could not quite register the fact that my eyes could not find the end to this huge expanse of water, and yet it was not an ocean…

a very kind young man – Chad

We visited this floating village called “Jong Kiniet”, where most people live in rather extreme poverty. However, what shocked me was that it was also a village of love. Everything they set up is about the benefit of the whole community, everyone gives to and helps one another no matter how little they might have. There is no police, no council, no ‘authority’ over them, but they haven’t got problems with crime.

Our lovely tour guide Chad (one of the villagers) told us that the village is 60% Buddhist and 40% Christian. Now in a Buddhist country with less than 2% of its population being Christian, this village is a miracle. Chad’s life and his sister’s life were saved by a Catholic community when they lost their parents at a very young age. And now Chad is doing everything he could to serve his village.

floating school / orphanage

I think my life before knowing Jesus, before becoming a Christian, was like a swim in a swimming pool, say, the Phnom Penh Sports Club. It was fun, it was nice, and I was doing quite well. But I never knew what true freedom was.

I never had the ‘freedom to give’.

The true freedom to live life for others.

I can liken my life story to this: 4 and a half years ago, I got hit in the swimming pool (and it did actually happen to me once… somehow this man couldn’t see me and he swam INTO me and punched me in the face!), and I was drowning in the pool… I was helpless and hopeless… but Jesus picked me up. He rescued me with arms of love.

But He didn’t rescue me to put me in a safe cage. He picked me up from Phnom Penh Sports Club and dropped me into Tonlé Sap!

He shows me what life is really about. He shows me that true freedom is being free enough to not keep things for myself, but to give them away.

And these are the precious things we get to receive / give in life – money, time, love, attention, energy, honour, etc. The most valuable things you can think of.

The more I live life with Jesus, the more He reveals to me, that ‘you never really owned something until you gave it away’. This is how the Kingdom of God works. You become rich through giving much away.

“Freely you’ve received, so freely give.” – Matthew 10:8

Would anyone disagree that our life is a gift to us? Which baby could ever say, “I earned my life, I was born because I worked hard for it”?

No! Life is a gift. It’s something we’ve “freely received”.

Jesus says, “freely you’ve received, so freely give”.

My friends, what are you living for?

What are you chasing after? What do you seek?

 

Life at Tonlé Sap is much more unpredictable than life in Phnom Penh Sports Club. It is much more dangerous. Much more uncontrollable. Much more humbling.

But it is much more glorious. Much more beautiful. Much more real.

My Jesus doesn’t promise me a comfortable and steady and nice swim through life. But with Him is the promise of a life of ABUNDANCE beyond my wildest imagination.

Abundance of hope, of peace, of joy, of love, of FREEDOM from the obsession of living my life for myself.

I used to believe that freedom means being able to keep as many precious things as possible; but now I know that freedom is being able to give away as much money, time, love as I can.

How sad it is, to live life in a cage where we can keep lots of riches, but don’t have the freedom to give any away?

rabbit Cassie in Daughers of Cambodia’s Sugar & Spice Cafe

She has lots of food, more than she needs, but she doesn’t seem very happy :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose his own soul?” – Mark 8:36

When Jesus first came into my life, I thought I was as free as I could ever be.

But in truth, He has been giving me more and more freedom since. And I wonder whether this increase can ever end… :)

 

 

 

28 Apr | Home has found me

What is home?

Is it a country code, the name of a city, the street address of a building, or a bunch of people?

I was very blessed to be able to spend a week in Hong Kong just before Easter. It was Khmer New Year; we had a week’s break here in Phnom Penh. I had planned this trip to Hong Kong mainly to apply for my visa for the UK; little did I know, that there were so much joy and gladness and blessings prepared for me!

In effect, the trip only lasted for 5 days and 5 nights… Over the past few years, my time in Hong Kong has usually been extremely exhausting. This time was even more intense due to the short duration! I’m sorry that I didn’t plan to and  also wasn’t able to meet many of you… Without much expectation, however, I was overwhelmed by the goodness and kindness all around me! :)

Thank you all so much for showering blessings and love upon me and Calvin (Calvin also visited HK for a week). It’s impossible to put into words what gratefulness I felt!

the beautiful green reminds me of our beautiful uniform :)

  

So, is Hong Kong my ‘home’?!

I didn’t realize that I actually missed Cambodia, until the first day I came back to work after the break.

On that Monday, I left my Phnom Penh home, walked out to the street, had my helmet in my hand, my laptop on my back, waved at some motor driver, hopped on a motorbike, went past the familiar alleyways, saw familiar shoeless children walking amongst the dirt, smelled the familiar, unpleasant waters, breathed in the familiar exhaust fumes, was heated up by the bright sun…..

And then I realized: oh, I missed Cambodia!

I am not sure what it is… With the natural eyes, to be honest, it is not easy to call Phnom Penh ‘lovely’. But to my own amazement, I actually love this place.

 

A few weeks ago, I visited my beautiful Khmer sister (lady in blue) and her family in her home province Koh Dach. They welcomed me as their own family… and my highlight was playing in the river with the 2 beautiful nieces of hers! :)

Now I’m half way through my 6 months in Cambodia. Although these past 3 months have felt like 3 years (because of the many amazing things that God has been letting me experience day after day!), it begins to feel slightly strange that I will be leaving here before long.

Does this mean Cambodia is my ‘home’ now!?

What about London!?

 

Home is where we belong. Where we feel safe. Where we are loved.

Home is our refuge, our fortress, our shield.

Have you ever thought: that home might not be a place, but a person?

glorious view on the way from Phnom Penh to HK

 

With the Lord Jesus Christ, the HOPE of GLORY, living in me,  I know that this world is not my ultimate home. It’s not anyone’s ultimate home.

The Bible talks about this current earth being simply a shadow of what is to come: the new heavens and new earth.

Everything is temporary, only God is eternal.

I know that I am made for MORE.

We, are made for MORE.

More beauty, more joy, more peace, more glory, more love.

‘Home’ for me is not a place after all.

It’s a person.

‘Home’ is wherever the Lord Jesus is.

It’s where unshakable Joy, inextinguishable Light and unquenchable Love are.

Because of HIM, I can be at home anywhere in the world.

When He is present- I belong, I am safe, I am loved, I am complete.

I am home. :)

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands… Now the one who has created us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. (2 Corinthians 5:1, 5)

I’ve found my Home.

Or,

my Home has found me :)

 

1 Apr | Your light has come

Here comes April… beginning my third month in Phnom Penh now!

Two main things I’ve been doing at “Daughters of Cambodia” are graphic design and art therapy.

I love to dream and imagine so I’ve had many ‘ideas’ in my mind about what living and working in Phnom Penh would be like. I am not surprised that I’m doing graphic design and art therapy, but the ways in which I’m doing them, are beyond my wildest imagination…

Graphic design-

I have always loved greeting cards design… but never got to do it in my previous design jobs. And I never thought I would still have opportunities to do it, as I’ve already ‘left’ the design field. BUT God is so amazing. He knows me inside out. I am not even pursuing a design career anymore, but this opportunity to design Easter cards just came as my first assignment at “Daughters”… what can I say but “thank you Jesus, you are so amazing”?!

Easter products being displayed in Daughters’ wonderful boutique

Easter cards bringing message of HOPE and LIFE.

 

Art therapy-

In September last year, I finished my training as a Master in Integrated Psychotherapy. The year before, I did Integrative Arts Psychotherapy. If you’ve known me for more than 5 years, you probably know that I have a fear of psychology. It sounds really funny now, but it’s true. I struggled SO MUCH during my Bachelor degree. Psychology was a nightmare and torture for me. I was such a bad student… So, it is nothing less than a MIRACLE, by the grace and power of my Lord Jesus, that I have these qualifications now.

the beautiful London School of Theology where I did the MA (this was Jan 2013)

Before I embarked on this journey of psychotherapeutic studies, I was a graphic designer in London, who did kind of like my job, but was not satisfied. I knew that Jesus had more in store for me. Life should be much more meaningful, glorious and exciting than it was.

I have always known what I wanted to do when I get qualified as a therapist. Simply put – I wanted to share love and hope to the broken, in whatever shapes or forms necessary / helpful / suitable. Whether it be in London, Hong Kong, or wherever else in the world – if it is where Jesus leads me to, I’ll go.

My professional experience before coming to Phnom Penh has been mainly working one-on-one with children who are challenged emotionally, socially and relationally. I was a trainee therapist in a primary school in west London for a year… I’m very grateful for that experience and it did build me up professionally and personally, but what I’m doing now is nothing like anything I’ve done before…

 

art therapy is carried out in this room

At “Daughters”, I now deliver art therapy to groups of around 10 men and women, 3 times a week. The number of clients is massive. Really really massive. Although it was very overwhelming for me to start with, it is a really wonderful thing that so many precious men and women have come to “Daughters”, and are now in the process of leaving sex work and having their lives transformed.

our treasures! simple materials, but can be used powerfully…

I could write paragraphs after paragraphs about how art therapy has benefited the clients so far. In just 4 weeks, God has already graciously used me to bring light and hope to our beloved clients. I will share one encouraging story here.

There’s a lady who came to the first session 4 weeks ago. When I first met her, she looked really downcast and discouraged. There were many problems in her life, as she articulated. However, right from the start, I noticed that she was able to connect with art materials quite well. Although she was feeling low, I observed that art was a really useful language to help her express herself.

She has progressed a lot in terms of being confident in opening up herself and being willing to take risks in art making. Last week, in our 3rd session, she was beaming with huge smiles the whole time. I was really amazed and wondered what was going on in her :)

Near the end of the session, she voluntarily shared this to the whole group: (translated) “Before I came to art therapy, I had many problems. I was so sad. Now I still have many problems, but when I come into this room, I feel a different presence. I can listen to the music, I can do some dance movements, I can paint, I can create, I can feel the love of God!” :)

I was so so so encouraged by that… and was humbled by the powerful presence of God in the room. I do seek to do my best each time, but I know that I can do nothing without Jesus. The most powerful ‘thing’ at work is not me, but Jesus, who lives in me. The room is filled with love, joy and peace because of Him! It’s so evident!

It takes more than mere human love to cause life transformations.

It takes more than mere human kindness to bind up the deep wounds of life.

It takes more than mere human strength to set captives free.

 

The lady that I talked about is one of MANY. Many are still awaiting that first hope. That first touch of love, dignity, respect, kindness, compassion.

I pray, and I hope, and I know, that there will be more and more encounters like this.

As rainy season is approaching… clouds are starting to build up these days. The sky is painted with sumptuous red, pink, orange, yellow and blue during sunsets.

I didn’t realize how much I miss a beautiful sunset… until I saw it again a couple of days ago.

Gazing at this, these scriptures came to my mind…

“Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.“

– Isaiah 60:1-3

To support “Daughters” please visit www.daughtersofcambodia.org and www.facebook.com/DaughtersofCambodia. Thanks! :)

 

11 Mar | Time is a strange thing

I don’t really understand how it’s already been a month since I last blogged… how did that happen?!

Tonight I’m looking at some pictures of the training phase in Bangkok which I’ve only recently received, and I think, “oh, those were the times… such fond memories… :)”

But then I thought, “Wait! That was January 2014! It’s less than 2 months ago! How does that feel like something so distant in history?”

class discussion @ ISM Bangkok

serving children @ Life Centre church Bangkok

football at lunch break @ ISM Bangkok :)

And I’m getting really used to the way of life in Phnom Penh now – so used to it that I’m starting to think that I would have cultural shock when I re-enter any places of less than 30C, places without constant sunshine and places where most people travel in vehicles with doors!

this is 5 mins away from where I live now

I’m amazed each time I look at the calendar…

“Ok, it’s February now.”

“Ok it’s March now.”

“What? It’s March already????”

“What? it’s only March????”

Have you ever been in that place where you think you’ve been somewhere for ages, and yet it feels like such a short period of time?! I don’t quite understand how the human mind is capable of such a contradictory / funny juxtaposition of feelings…

Time is an absolute thing, yes, but how we perceive it is definitely subjective.

When you so so so look forward to something, time seems to stretch itself and take it easy…

When you are so so so nervous that something is coming up soon, time seems to take a big leap from ‘then’ to ‘now’ in the blink of an eye.

Time is an interesting thing.

“Time will tell”

“Time can prove”

“Time can heal”

“Time will pass”

“Time will come”

Time is very fair. Time never lies. It is what it is.

Time can do a lot of things. But it cannot un-do things.

Through working at ‘Daughters of Cambodia’, I have been learning more about the reality of pain, suffering and brokenness in life. For people who have gone through enormous pains, they often wish that things had never happened, or that they could delete some parts of their history somehow.

We could un-do many things in our computers; but in life, there has never been a ‘re-format’ option. Emotional and physical scars do remain with us.

Do I also wish that some things had never happened in my life? Are there dirty stains that I wish had never been there? Yes.

But when I met Jesus, I was instilled with a profound truth and hope that nothing is ever wasted in God’s eyes. Not even wounds. Not even wrongs. Not even regrets.

In HIM, all things become new. I, become new.

No, Jesus doesn’t delete my past. He doesn’t wipe clean my history. He could if He would, but that’s not the way He is.

Instead, He takes everything in my ‘trash’ and pushed the glorious ‘re-start’ button. He transforms all my trash into beauty. He did it on the first day I met Him, and He’s still doing it everyday. :)

a quick artwork I recently created during a Christian art gathering – inspired by Hillsong’s “Glorious Ruins” – “let the ruins come to life, in the beauty of Your name. Rising up from the ashes, God forever You reign.”

God is patient with us, because He is not bound by time. He created time.

But He makes use of time; to heal, to grow, to love.

He is above time. But He is not unreachably transcendent. For those who knows, He is right here, right now.

I used to really dislike time; cos I could never get enough of it… But now I’m starting to appreciate it. I’m thankful for every new day God grants me to live.

No one has ever been able to work out or have control over how long one would live. But for everyday we have, we can always decide to live it thankfully, and live it well.

I am an ordinary person, having 24 hours a day just like you… bound by time and have absolutely no control over how ‘quickly’ or how ‘slowly’ it goes. The only difference might be that I live 24 hours a day with a God who loves me for eternity. “He loves me with an everlasting love“, is how the Bible puts it. :)

Otres Beach 1, 230km from Phnom Penh

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11-13)

10 Feb | Amazed

Hello! Soo’sday! :)

10 days in, and I have just had my first proper Khmer (the Cambodian language) lesson tonight!

Before then, I have only been able to say “go straight”, “turn right”, “turn left”, “stop here” and “thank you”. It’s for survival you see. This is how I direct a motorbike driver to get me home. :)

After the lesson, my flatmate Sarah and I were both a bit like “oh dear…”. Surely some hard work awaits. But, being hopeful I thought: one day, we could just casually chat in Khmer with each other at home… one day… :)

Sarah – coming back from our first major shopping trip – getting bins and fans :P

This video is a snap shot of our first journey from home to our workplace… (although we take motorbikes now cos it’s cheaper and quicker!).

5 things in Phnom Penh that amaze me:

(*this is just my view based on personal experiences. I’m sure if you asked a tourist or a local person here, they would tell you different things about the city!)

1. The traffic – messy but friendly

As you can see in the video – the trucks, the cars, the tuk-tuks, the motorbikes, the bicycles, the pedestrians – EVERYBODY – are ONE. Everybody is welcome on the same road – even on the ‘wrong’ side of the road. In fact, it’s hard to tell which is the ‘wrong side of the road’! :)

I am very amazed by how much people have a deep, hidden understanding of each other. No words, no signals, no sounds – but everyone seems to find their spot and everyone is quite happy with each other. Such harmony amongst chaos is nothing I have ever seen before! If you’ve ever been on a busy MTR or Underground train and could feel the warmth of the breath or the body temperate of the people surrounding you – that’s how I feel when there’s a traffic jam here. It is that same ‘intimacy’ of zero distance – only that we’ve got vehicles slightly separating us. :)

2. Children at risk

The amount of street children wandering in the streets is appalling… I am amazed by how resilient these littles lives are… heartbreakingly, they do survive in such adverse ‘living’ conditions. The scene of a toddler, naked, sleeping on a pavement; or a 3-year old boy standing in the middle of traffic, cleaning people’s cars and asking for money; or a 5-year old girl waiting for food at a shop’s front door, is sadly, not too uncommon. These children are extremely vulnerable to exploitation… I had heard that this country is one of the worst places in the world regarding the problem of child sex-trafficking. Once I got here and saw the streets, it didn’t take long for me to realize why… :(

3. ‘Solar power water’

So, I have been having cold showers. Not that it is that hot… but I figured that ‘hot water never works in the evening’. On the first day, we called the housekeeper to come and test the water for us. The tap had gone on for ages and there was no sign of warm water. She looked like there would be hot water if we just waited enough… so we waited and waited… but after about 15 mins she said, “Solar. Solar power. Sun, hot water. No sun, no hot water.”

It took me a few days to realize… actually ‘solar power water’ means – when the sun is out and it’s hot, the pipes probably get heated up and thus you get hot water. So during the night, obviously, there is no ‘solar’, and no hot water!! Hahaha… :D

I am amazed by how physically tough and persevering people here must be. A month ago, it was freezing in Bangkok (and over here too). It was the coldest winter in 20-30 years. On some days, it was below 15C and it’s considered super cold here! It was cold for me! I cannot imagine taking a freezing shower in freezing weather… but most people do, most people have to, in Cambodia.

4. 30% sugar low ice bubble tea

When we were in Bangkok last month, bubble tea was one of my most favourite treats. :) However, they were often very sweet and come with lots of ice. One of us girls once confidently ordered a bubble tea with her recently learnt Thai, saying, “less sugar and less ice”, but it turned out to be a green coloured drink that tasted like nothing we had ever tasted… >_< so… I never wanted to repeat that for myself…

But on Saturday when Sarah and I were walking around the city in the heat of the day, we bumped into this amazing bubble tea place with an extraordinary menu!!! The heart that they put into producing all those options is absolutely adorable. I got my 30% sugar low ice bubble tea and it tasted perfect! :)

5. The excellence of Daughters

It is a great privilege to serve in “Daughters of Cambodia” in these 6 months. However much I had read about them from their website before I came here, it could not be compared to the amazement of actually witnessing how they work so excellently in offering a choice / a hope / a future to men and women who have been trapped in the sex trade. Once they come to “Daughters” (or, for trans-sexual sex workers, they go to “Sons of Cambodia”), they become their ‘clients’, and they get to work in one of their 4 locations across Phnom Penh.

Working at Daughters has been amazing so far. I cannot actually believe that I’ve only been in Phnom Penh for 10 days. So much has been experienced, and I’m absorbing everything in the culture vigorously day after day. I would be lying if I said ‘it has been easy’. But in truth, it has been very good. :)

The cry of the hurting is silent, yet loud – for ears that hear;

The sight of the suffering is hidden, yet obvious – for eyes that see.

Does this sound familiar to you?

What would you do in a city such as this?

Phnom Penh is amazing to me, not because of anything particularly stunning that I have seen or experienced – but because I’m learning about a people that God has wonderfully created. Having been mistaken as a Khmer person by Khmer people for a few times… :) I’m hoping that I would learn the language well, and get to know these precious people as best as I can.

It is an interesting city. It is a complicated city. It has lots of brokenness. But no brokenness is too severe that it cannot be mended by our wonderful Creator.

I’m longing for Jesus to show me, that His love does not vary from place to place. His love is constantly strong and powerful – wherever it is, whenever it is, for whoever it is. This I know with all my heart, but I long to SEE it and TASTE it HERE.

There is hope, there is love, there is light –
even in the darkest and filthiest places in the world or in the human heart.

This is why He came to the world, for us.

This is why many have come to Phnom Penh, for Him.

“In him (Jesus) was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can not overcome it. (John 1:4-5)

products all hand-made by clients of Daughters and Sons

“Sugar n Spice” garden cafe – served by clients of Daughters

“White Linen” boutique hotel – served by clients of Daughters

operation centre – where I am based

1 Feb | Beautiful exchange

Happy Chinese New Year! 

I almost forgot that Chinese New Year was just around the corner… but the sounds of fire crackers in Bangkok brought to mind that it was near!

It has been 6 years since I last spent Chinese New Year in Hong Kong… but the memories of seeing relatives, visiting friends, and having lotssss and lotssss of food are still quite fresh. 

My parents are very sweet – they sent me their greetings and blessings through technology :) The phrase written on the banner that is in my mom’s right hand, is inspired using one of my first names: 芝 (chi). In Cantonese, the sound ‘chi’ is identical to the word ‘知’, which means knowledge. And this phrase of blessing on that banner literally means “the knowledge of contentment brings happiness”. If I try to translate it properly – it means that if one can always be content with what one has, one is always happy. Such, is a traditional Chinese wisdom.

Such concept is also mentioned in the Bible – only that there is an even more profound dimension to it! 

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:11-12)

Today is my last day of staying in Bangkok. In an hour I will be heading to the airport, for Phnom Penh, Cambodia!! One month’s training flew by, and it has enriched me in so many ways. In learning to live with others, to be open about my vulnerabilities, to be challenged to the core of my character, to be pruned to be a person more willing and ready to love, to be thankful in all circumstances (the good and the not so good and the bad and the very bad), and to discover the wonderful and unique ways that God has made each person!

Yes it has been challenging in many ways. Physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. There has been a great degree of adaptations, of putting aside one’s self-interests, and of persevering through difficulties with patience. I’ve come to realize how I fall short and am weak in all these areas, but I thank God for giving me this intense opportunity to learn, and to grow. :)

Everyday, I marvel at the awesome beauty of LOVE. Of the LOVE that comes from the God who created this universe and everyone in it. Of the LOVE that reaches out to me daily and calls for me to share it. 

So what’s the secret? What’s the “secret” mentioned in Phillipians about “being content in all situations” – and the joy that it brings?

It is written right after:

I can do all this through HIM who gives me strength. (Phillipians 4:13)

The answer is HIM who gives me strength. Jesus. 

Because of the Jesus that lives in me, I can be content and thankful for a 50Baht pad thai; I can be content and thankful for clean drinking water; I can be content and thankful for mosquito sprays; I can be content and thankful for spare money to get instant noodles and bubble tea; I can be content and thankful for air-conditioning. :)

When you think about it… none of these can be taken for granted, can they?

It’s all because of Jesus, who gives me strength.

And the beautiful exchange is this: Jesus gave up everything to love me –> so I have the privilege to (aim and seek to) give up everything to love others –> and in doing so, I gain in multiples I can’t imagine. Such might not be a ‘reward’ that is attractive by the standards of the world, but it is a reward that has an everlasting, undiminishable value. This is God’s promise.

Jesus said, “everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, because of me, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29)

Although I’ve left many things and people to come here, Jesus has given me the riches of His grace so lavishly that my ‘sacrifice’ seems trivial. One of these riches, is the blessing of family in Christ. I’ve gained 6 sisters in Christ – 6 beautiful and unique women who have come from all corners of the world for one purpose – to love and to serve. :)

Today we depart, and we head to different locations in Southeast Asia for the ‘real work’ that has been long anticipated… And we all know, that we are able and have the privilege to do such work only because Jesus has FIRST done everything possible to love us.

Much love and blessing to you girls: “We can do all this through HIM who gives us strength”! ♥ :)

 

 

 

 

20 Jan | My ‘catnemy’

Some of you may know that I have ‘bird-phobia’. @_@ Any kind of birds freaks me out (especially chicken). Next to birds, it’s cats. When cats are nearby, I freeze, and then I run away. I’m sorry, my cat-lover friends, I have never ever found cats cute. They paralyze me and give me chills…

Part of the challenge of living in sub-urban Bangkok is to cope with roosters an cats. Roosters are not that bad – I hear them but they are well kept away. But there is this black&white cat, which loves to crawl near me and show off its stretching skills and its ‘cute’ voice (which to me is a horrible squeak!). It normally comes to me silently from behind my back while I’m enjoying a quiet time on the rooftop…

It would then jump up to the chair where I was sitting and intend to ‘play with me’ through fiddling with my stuff… I neither have any intention to befriend it, nor do I want to be at war with it. My reaction would often be running away from it. But when I go to another chair, it would follow me. When I go back to the previous spot, it would still be with me. I couldn’t describe to you how tormented I am and how helpless I feel… Finally, when I can’t get rid of it, I would get rid of myself and leave… :(

But a few days ago… something different happened!! :)

As usual, I was up on the rooftop in the morning. In the middle of my very tranquil time, my ‘enemy’ came – only that it was even more annoying and aggressive than usual. I jumped to my feet when it invaded my ‘safety zone’. It came too close for me to pretend that it’s not there. I couldn’t do anything. It would also stare at me and give me these looks that I could not understand – it looked like it hated me but at the same time it wanted to engage with me. All in all, it was just super unpleasant…

my ‘catnemy’!

My friend Mariana was there as well, and she came near, wanting to help me out. We tried to lead the cat out of the doorway and attempted to shut the door behind it, but my ‘enemy’ wouldn’t follow her, it kept coming back to me. Then we realized that even the door had a huge hole in it, there’s no way we could shut the cat out… Then, as if the cat could sense how much we disliked it, it went a bit wild… jumping up and down the table and running around randomly – which terrified me even more.

I felt so defeated. For a split second, I thought: oh, should I just give in and leave… :(

Then, in my moment of despair, someone appeared!!

It was a young man from another team that was staying in the same accommodation. I had never seen him before. He looked at us curiously, as we stood guarded, next to a cat on the table, looking slightly clueless…

Then, I faintly said, “we’re trying to make this cat go away…”

He replied, “are you scared?“

I thought, “clearly! I’m freaked out!” But I kept my cool and said, “yes……”

Then very gently he said, “do you mind if I take your seat? Maybe the cat would come to me.”

So, he sat down at my previous spot.

The cat climbed up to his lap. And remained there.

And there was peace for me… for the rest of the time I was there. :)

As I sat down in another chair, and saw the scene before me: this young man sitting at ‘my seat’, taking my ‘catnemy’ on himself, I was full of admiration and gratitude! For him it was probably not a big deal, but I couldn’t help feeling grateful and thinking about Jesus’ love for me!

Have you ever had someone bear your biggest fear / burden/ hurt / pain for you? I mean – not just listening to you talk about it, but taking it AWAY from you completely.

For me, the cat represented one of my worst fears in life!! I am totally helpless whenever it is around. It would take away my peace, my joy, my focus. It just ruins everything! And there was nothing I could do to overcome it.

What fears would you have? I know about some fears that are common for us all: fear of being alone? of not being loved? of not being successful? of not being accepted? of not having goals fulfilled?

When I met Jesus, whatever fears / burdens /  hurts / pains I had, He took care of. He is ABLE to take on all my shame; to take away all my fears; and to give me unmeasurable love in return.

As life goes on, I might inevitably pick up some of those bad, unhealthy stuff along the way… but as I live with Jesus everyday, He continually redeems and heals me in every way. I know that ultimately, no harm can be done to me.

He ‘took my seat’, ‘dealt with my enemy’, and gave me a ‘new seat’. (He died on the cross for me, He conquered death, He rose again, and He gave me a new life!)

So this is my little episode with my ‘catnemy’… but God uses a simple life situation to bless my heart through reminding me of the beauty of Jesus’ love for me. :) And there is MORE. So much more.

14 Jan | You are not good enough

Sawadika!

I’ve been in Bangkok (for training) for just over a week now. I’ve seen a side of Bangkok that I’ve never seen before. The place where I’m staying is on the outskirt of Bangkok – which is a more authentic view of Thailand (though Bangkok is still much richer than most of Thailand by far). It’s like how people say ‘London is not a true representation of England’.

the roof of the place I’m staying

surrounding of where I’m staying

front door of the place I live in

For 5 days a week I have training sessions with 6 other amazing ladies at a Thai Christian college. (Don’t worry, our lecturers all teach in English! I am not THAT competent in Thai :P) We are being equipped to work in our specific contexts with cultural sensitivity, compassion, perseverance, humility, and many many more!

Besides the fascinating teachings that we receive everyday, it has also been very interesting getting to know each person within the programme… 7 girls from 5 countries and 4 continents! It is wonderful to hear about how each of us ended up here, from different corners of the world. We’re ‘stuck’ together 24 hours a day for a whole month! We share one room and we basically go everywhere together. This in itself is a great cross-cultural learning experience. :)

had an amazing meal at our director Sandra’s (lady in blue) home

One thing that the lecturer talked about today really struck me. She works in an organization (http://nightlightinternational.com/) in Bangkok that outreaches to trafficked women in a downtown red-light area. She said to us,

“You are just NOT good enough. Nothing about you is going to make you capable for the tasks you need to do. It’s just too much.”

Have you ever heard your boss / trainer ‘encourage’ you like this? People in the world likes to encourage us by telling us how great we are. “You’re awesome, just go for it! You will succeed! cos you are amazing!”

But, on a second thought, I knew that what she was saying was true.

What makes me think that I can care for the broken-hearted? What makes me think that I’m strong enough to endure the challenges of working in a country I’ve never been to? What makes me think that I have enough compassion and patience to deal with ‘the poor’ when they don’t appreciate my help, or simply, my presence? What makes me think that I can cope with all the emotional and psychological stresses? What makes me think that I could persevere when there is discouragement?

What the lecturer said was true. But she didn’t end there. She carried on,

“You are not enough. BUT God is great. Your God is awesome. And you will need Him. Everyday.”

It is not that I was not aware of this truth – that I could do NOTHING that could have a lasting benefit to the people I’m going to serve EXCEPT through the love of Jesus that I carry. I knew this. But to hear it from a lecturer who was preparing us for the work…. was really amazing! It was like a slap on my face, but a very very good slap. I was reminded that I must focus on drawing strength and love from Jesus, before I can even dare say that I am stepping out to bring hope to the hopeless.

This HOPE that I will bring comes not from my kindness or my goodness. But God’s!

And truly, when you think about it…. how can MY hope (or any one else’s) compare to GOD’s?!

Humans’ love, generosity, mercy – no matter how genuine and strong it might be one day, are limited and fleeting and could be gone the next day. I’m sure that I’m not the only person – but I could speak for myself – that even though I claim to care about some people, I still fail to love them sometimes, hurt them sometimes, and disappoint them sometimes.

It is just a plain reality that we are all limited.

But real, lasting, unfailing HOPE comes from Jesus alone. And it is a pure honour that I have received such hope, and I get to carry it and pass it on…

this little girl is the daughter of one of the families that live in the same building as us

So I’m like this little girl, who has climbed a long way to the rooftop… I’m gazing outward; and searching inward… Taking in what’s around, learning about the needs of the people; and at the same time working on building my inner strength and enlarging my capacity to love… through trusting and staying connected to Jesus. :)

In 2 weeks I’ll be setting foot on the place which I have been longing to go to since November 2012. No I’m not good enough for the tasks ahead. But my God is. And He is MORE than enough!!

3 Jan | Today

I had dinner with my family and 3 of my best friends tonight. After dinner, Winter played a song with the guitar. It was called “Today”. The TV was noisy and people were chatting, I don’t know if anybody else noticed it… but that song that she played for 10 seconds tonight, is still lingering in my mind right now. :)

“Today”.

I have been asked, in the past month in Hong Kong, again and again, “when are you leaving”? And before I left London last month, I was also asked again and again, “when are you leaving?” I never get tired of answering such question, for I see each person’s asking of it as a gesture of care, which I honestly treasure dearly. However, after having given my dear friends and family a numerical date for endless times…… I’m really glad to finally say: TODAY. Yes I’m leaving today!!!!!!

Mantanani Island, Malaysia

So how do I feel? It is really mixed. But I feel a bit like the picture above.

I have been treading along the beach for quite some time. I have examined the coast line, I have tested the water with my feet, I have gazed upon the horizon, I have lied down on the sand, I have picked up some pebbles, I have felt the warm breeze, I have soaked in the blazing sun, I have tasted the saltiness of the water a bit, I have been training up myself in different dimensions to be ‘fit for the journey’.

I have been LONGING to immerse myself into the ocean, to swim outside, to find the treasures that God has prepared for me.

4 months ago I was in a beach in Barcelona. I think it was my first time swimming in the Mediterranean Sea. The water was amazingly warm, and the waves were quite fierce even in shallow waters. I had been swimming along the waves, for it saves me energy. However, when my friends called me to go another direction, I had to swim against the tides. It was almost impossible! I tried my hardest and still I was going nowhere. The waves came straight at my face again and again and I found myself battling against the force of the ocean! It was really tiring… >_<

Beach Castelldefels. See that tiny head in the sea… that’s me haha

Then it was as if God was saying to me – it is hard to go against the will of the Creator of the Universe. :) Life is hard when we don’t agree with God. Right then and there, I prayed something like this: Lord, help me to always know your heart. I never want to swim against your will. I want to be carried by waves of your grace. The ocean is yours. And everything in it. I am yours. And everything I have. Help me ‘swim’ my life well. First, help me KNOW YOU. Help me discern how the tides are going…

Now, THANKS to my beloveds who spent time with me in the past month… whether it be minutes, hours or days… **you know who you are** :))) thank you for blessing me with your support, care and encouragement!!

So, with all the love from my dear family and friends, and the promise of the presence of my Lord Jesus in all circumstances, I am ‘geared up’. I will go. And by God’s mercy, I will accept thankfully whatever is set before me.

Kristol: thanks for your under-water camera!

There is a cost for everything. My friends, I’m not sure how you perceive ‘what’ I’m trying to do in Cambodia, and ‘why’ I want to do it… As a flawed person marked with different weaknesses, I know full well that my ability and strength are limited. And there are definitely risks and costs involved. However, my ‘what’ and ‘why’ are based on 2 very simple things.

1. Every lost treasure (person) is worth seeking.

2. Jesus loves me. He picked me up like a precious pearl when I was hidden in the darkness of the deep ocean. And He tells me that the way to ‘love Him back’ is to love another person. :)

And so, I go.

This is the first ever living starfish that I have ever touched… As I look at it again, I see the mystery of Jesus’ love… He loves me like I am the ONLY starfish in the whole wide ocean. Yet, at the same time, He is also able to love every other starfish (and it could be you!) with this same vastness and intensity of love. :)

20 Dec | 7 girls, 4 continents

My dear friends, meet the 6 other girls who will join the same programme with me – to be trained in Bangkok and sent out to various South-east Asian cities. I’m very excited about meeting each of them :)

If you’d like to read more about our backgrounds and why we’ve chosen to embark on such adventure, visit this site; where you will be able to follow the updates from the organization that will train and mentor us: http://impactschoolofmissions.wordpress.com/

And here is the place where I will be serving in Cambodia: http://www.daughtersofcambodia.org/

This is a journey of unknown – yet not exactly.

It is unknown to me; but known to my God who knows everything. Everything, everyone, yesterday today and forever.

The people there, the environment, the ups and downs of work, the challenges of living – are all unknown.

But the ever-present help and sweet fellowship of my Lord Jesus are KNOWN, for sure!

Thanks to all of you who support me in your unique ways… :) lots of love and blessings to you!